I’m not sure what I expected. No, that’s not true. I had clear expectations.
In my 30’s, I couldn’t wait to turn 40. I looked up to those strong, successful women with names like Oprah, Maya Angelou, Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel who exuded strength, confidence and an air of invincibility in their 40’s and 50’s. I wanted that and I worked hard for it. It doesn’t come easy.
At 40, I had it. It was exactly as I had envisioned. At 41, everything changed. Not by accident. I just realized that everything was all wrong. Typical.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t EVER be afraid to change what doesn’t work. To walk away from what doesn’t serve you. And most importantly, to run towards what makes you happy.
Nothing rejuvenates the human experience better than a fresh, new beginning.
This week I turned 44. I told a friend that I hardly recognize my own life. And let me tell you how exhilarating that is!
We are set to hit close to 80 degrees here today for the first time since winter started. The minute I saw the forecast, I threw my hair in a ponytail, tossed a notebook and towel in my bag and headed for the beach! On the way, I drove with the windows down and my favorite Plain White T’s station pouring through the speakers in a happy celebration of all the beach days to come.
I knew it then, as Coldplay moved on to The Goo Goo Dolls, that I am 16 all over again. I am the frivolous, ideologic, and energetic child that I left behind 28 years ago. And it’s fabulous!
You know why? I know why (A pleasant perk of being 16 with the wisdom and reflection of 44). And by they way, 16 is WAY better at 44!
It’s all the new beginnings! At 44, my kids are all but grown. I have a career, which gives me a comfortable income. These 2 ingredients allow for the amazing opportunity of change. When you add the energy of change to this equation, it brings the energy of youth and ALL that has to offer.
The world is my oyster. I am completely invincible. And my future is exciting. I am afraid of nothing, a complete risk-taker. My close friends and family are everything to me.
Here’s the thing…it comes with a few down sides.
I get the same bouts of insecurity I got at 16. I’m sure this is due to the insecurity of an unknown future. But these are just bouts. I hold the trusted people in my life close, partly as a protective barrier against the uncertainty of everyone else whom I don’t completely trust to not toss me under the bus. Think high school, and I need not explain more.
But these minor inconveniences are a small price to pay for the energy and enthusiasm sparked by creating and building.
SO… here I am, lying on the beach telling you that I have found at least 1 secret to happiness. Change. New Beginnings.
Don’t be afraid. Take the risk. Go for the plunge. Embrace the uncertainty.
P.S. It helps to still have a 16 year old at home, which I do. She keeps me real.
P.S.S. I know there are fragmented sentences in my writing. It’s for effect. Don’t judge.
